Our take on marriage: Team Martin

The Grand Canyon

Team Martin, on our honeymoon in the Grand Canyon, at the tail end of a three day, 25 mile hike.

My husband Jeremy and I are a team – this is our take on marriage. We actually have a name for our team: Team Martin. While I think most people fundamentally understand that they’re partners with their spouses, I’m not sure many take it to the level of being a team. How is this different? Let’s take a look.

Jeremy and I have been married for nearly four years (anniversary date: April 2nd), and we have been together for nearly six years (June 3rd is that anniversary date). Over that time we’ve learned how to best support each other and how to best serve each other. We figured out early on in our marriage that we’re a team with similar interests and working toward the same basic goals in life. We’re also best friends, which is something pretty amazing to experience.

As part of a team, we both realize that the greater good is more important to us than each of us individually. This means that we value our connection, our marriage, and our friendship more than any one aspect of ourselves. We operate on the principle that we are always on the same side of an issue and that there’s nothing that can come between us. There’s nothing more important to either of us than being together.

Further, we’re never in competition with each other. That’s how our team works: we can’t be in competition with our teammate because we’re both working to the same larger goals. When competition exists, it means that people have different goals or desires for outcomes. Jeremy and I talk things through, and we figure out what’s important to us in any given situation. Being together and being a team is our top priority.

We also help each other through rough times. Team members cheer each other on in the spirit of the larger group succeeding. Sometimes one of us needs some “coaching” (think team coaching, not life coaching) in the form of an opinion, feedback, or a sounding board. We’re there to prop each other up and encourage the other person, if that’s what’s needed. Since we communicate well and we have each other’s best interests at heart, it’s easy to want to be there for the other person, whether it’s in the “coach” or “cheerleader” capacity.

Finally, we work together on everything. We discuss our dreams, hopes, and desires, and we make sure that we’re each supporting the other in the way that he or she needs it. We both make it a point to be attuned to the other’s wants and needs. This helps us greatly when one person is down and the other is not. We typically don’t cycle down at the same time so the person that is feeling good has the capacity to support the other person in whatever way they need it. We also use our complimenting strengths and talents to help each other out. Together we are stronger than each of us is alone.

In the end, all of this doesn’t mean that we don’t disagree or that everything’s perfect in our lives. Far from it. But what it does mean is that when one of us is having a bad day or if something goes wrong, we don’t add to that by then turning on each other. We stick together and are committed to solutions that serve both of us and our collective larger goals in life. That’s what Team Martin is truly about.

What about you? How do you view your relationship dynamic with your partner?